What's that smell?

Given the fact that Taiwanese houses do not have garbage disposals, I take great pride in the fact that I have become the human equivalent for our home. Words have a way of spreading quickly here in our minute English teaching world and it seems that Gloria has set out to put "Mr. Danger's Dynamic Disposal" to the test. Last week, when given durian, a fruit that smells like rotten onions, the disposal nearly failed, but after minutes (that seemed like hours) of dry heaving and gagging, the disposal diligently did its duty, thereafter resolving to never come within a 30 meter radius of durian again. Ever. Not even if forced by gunpoint (which shouldn't be a problem here, as I'm told that no one really has a gun).

Evidently, rotten onion fruit did not provide sufficient suffering for the disposal man, so Gloria, Joseph and I found ourselves one night on a quest for 'stinky tofu,' which is code for, "the local pig farm lacks storage space for their pigs' discharged meals, so we grind it up, smash it down, call it tofu and serve it as food." Gloria's description of stinky tofu being reminiscent of a pig's house is a bit of an understatement. Some of my students regularly complain to me about living too close to vendors that prepare the stuff and wholeheartedly state that it makes their entire house stink. I had a difficult time believing them until I smelled my own breath the morning after eating it. I nearly had to use my pillow as a puke-sack.

Did you ever get that weird advice that to make yourself a healthier person, you should make certain to chew your food at least 24 times before swallowing? Normally, I completely disregard that statement. Last time I checked, my chew/swallow ratio stood right at 7 to 1. I don't eat food. I inhale it. This has become even more obvious here, where it is considered completely normal to bring your plate or bowl to your face and shovel in as much food as possible, as rapidly as possible. To illuminate the effects this has had on my eating habits, allow me to mention that my pre-Taiwan chew/swallow ratio was about 13 to 1.

Anywho, suffice it to say that for that miniature square of tofu you see in the video, my chew/swallow ratio skyrocketed to somewhere around 116 to 1. I guess that first bite was extremely deceptive and I must partially retract the statement, "it tastes a whole lot better than it smells." It's not entirely false. It does taste better than it smells, but probably not a whole lot better and when it's a pig house you're smelling, anything will taste better. The wafts of pig dung-esque smells caused my taste buds to go on a vacation to shrimp fried rice land where they actually took up residence. I don't think they were encouraged whatsoever by Gloria's explanation as to why the tofu reeks like the Great Wall of Death:

Dane and Joseph: "So, Gloria, what makes it stink so badly?"
Gloria: "Well, they steep it in horse urine."
Dane and Joseph: [dry heaving sounds while looking for a bucket or plastic bag...faces go green] "WHAT?"

Yes, Dane the disposal has been discredited. I have since decided to make a list of foods I don't like:
1. Durian
2. Stinky Tofu
3. Menudo (cow's stomach mexican style)

and a list of interesting foods I do enjoy:
1. Sheep and Dog milk (not mixed, but each enjoyed separately)
2. Various pig parts...ears, intestines, etc.
3. Chicken butt
4. Pig's stomach a la puerto rico

I'm hoping that in the next few months I'll be exposed to more of the latter and less of the former.